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So, boys and girls, here's a little secret for getting more presents for Christmas than you could ever imagine.
Ask for one from a politically correct shopping mall Santa and then film the response.
What do you want for Christmas? Maybe, I want a nerf gun. No, no, no guns. It's just a nerf gun. No, not even a nerf gun.
No, if your dad wants to get in for you, that's fine, but I can't bring it to you. What else would you want? What do you think?
It's OK, buddy. It's OK if your dad -- It's OK. It's OK.
So, just to be clear to the kids watching at home, that was not the real Santa.
The real Santa got a cold and didn't want to spread it to the kids, so Santa trusted the shopping mall to find a reasonable substitute.
The problem was it was on short notice and they ended up with this glum fellow who spreads Christmas cheer the way I spread sobriety, not well.
And so, instead of Santa Claus, they got a Santa Cause. But sorry, dude. The little boy didn't ask for an AK-47, he asked for a toy nerf gun.
If you can't tell the difference, you deserved to get stuck in a chimney behind Joy Behar.
Thank God he had asked for a G.I. Joe the warmonger, or a gas-guzzling Hot Wheel, or maybe an elf on a shelf.
I tell you, I'm not for sale.
Now, here's the good news.
Millions of people have likely seen this Santa reduce the boy to tears, which means given that this is America, the greatest, most generous country on Earth,
孩子们,我有一个小秘诀,让你们得到比想象中更多的圣诞礼物。
从一个政治正确的购物中心里的圣诞老人那里要一个,然后记录下反应。
你圣诞节想要什么?我想要波波枪。不,不,没有枪。只是一把波波枪。不,波波枪也没有。
不,如果你爸爸想帮你拿的话,那很好,但是我不能把它给你。你还想要什么?你怎么想?
没关系,孩子。如果你爸爸――没事。没关系。
所以,为了让在家里观看的孩子们明白,我要说,那不是真正的圣诞老人。
真正的圣诞老人感冒了,不想传染给孩子们,所以圣诞老人让购物中心找到一个他的替代品。
问题是这是一个临时通知,他们最后变得非常郁闷,圣诞的欢呼也无精打采。
这不是圣诞老人。但是不好意思,这个小男孩没有要AK-47,他要的只是一把玩具枪。
如果你分不清区别的话,那就应该被困在乔伊・贝哈尔后面的烟囱里。
谢天谢地,他只是要了一个G.I.Joe人偶玩具、一个耗油的风火轮玩具,或者是一个架子上的精灵饰品。
我告诉你,我不是卖东西的。
现在讲一个好消息。
数百万人可能看过电脑合成的圣诞老人把这个男孩弄得泪流满面的视频,鉴于美国是世界上最伟大、最慷慨的国家,
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