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You read about"flow"-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who talks about flow is being peak experience we enjoy the most
and peak performance-we perform at our best, defying the"no pain, no gain" formula.
And when do we experience flow? Not when we experience the high levels of anxiety
as the perfectionist often does, not when we are bored,
but when it's the optimum levels of arousal, when we are excited.
The person committed to excellence is much more likely to experience the flow
than the person who is constantly afraid of failure,
constantly obsessed with failure, constantly thinking about what if I fail.
Let me talk a little bit about the sources of the perfectionism.
Because if we understand that, as I mentioned last time,
if we understand where it comes from, we are much more likely to be able to get over it.
So some of these sources of perfectionism. The first one, the most important one is conditioning.
I mean we are not born perfectionist. Children as you saw in the video-they are,
as you know, born actually enjoying the learning process much more than we do.
When we are afraid of failing, they fall and they get up again.
So it's through conditioning that we learn to be afraid of failure, specifically,
the schema that we internalize that's being reinforced constantly from almost the time
when we were born-that what matters is the destination.
When we get to a certain destination such as learning how to walk-well done!
大家都了解过“流动”了 米哈利・奇克森特米海伊谈论过流动是我们最良好的感受
最出色的表现 也就是“没有付出就没有收获”
我们什么时候感受到流动?我们焦虑的时候感受不到
就如完美主义者那样 我们无聊时感受不到
只有我们乐观愉快 兴奋的时候感受得到
追求卓越的人更容易感觉到流动
而那些一直畏惧失败的人、
一直为失败所困扰的人 一直在设想如果我失败了怎么办的人
我来谈谈完美主义的根源吧
因为一旦我们明白 就如我上次说的
一旦我们明白它是怎么来的 我们就更能克服它
完美主义的根源 第一个 最重要的因素就是社会影响
我们都不是天生的完美主义者 你们在录影带中看到的孩子
他们天生比我们更能享受学习的过程
我们畏惧失败 他们却不断跌掉了又爬起
所以是社会的影响导致了我们对于失败的畏惧 确切地说
是这样一种在我们心中烙下的并且几乎从出生开始就不断被加深的基模
那就是:成果才是真正重要的
当我们得到了某个成果的时候 比如学会走路 做得好
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