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Before sending the letter, I prepared myself for all kinds of negative responses,
or what I found likeliest: no response whatsoever.
The only outcome that I didn't prepare myself for was the one that I then got
a typed confession from Tom, full of disarming regret.
As it turns out, he, too, had been imprisoned by silence.
And this marked the start of an eight-year-long correspondence that God knows was never easy, but always honest.
I relieved myself of the burdens that I'd wrongfully shouldered,
and he, in turn, wholeheartedly owned up to what he'd done.
Our written exchanges became a platform to dissect the consequences of that night,
and they were everything from gut-wrenching to healing beyond words.
And yet, it didn't bring about closure for me.
Perhaps because the email format didn't feel personal enough,
perhaps because it's easy to be brave when you're hiding behind a computer screen on the other side of the planet.
But we'd begun a dialogue that I felt was necessary to explore to its fullest.
So, after eight years of writing, and nearly 16 years after that dire night,
I mustered the courage to propose a wild idea: that we'd meet up in person and face our past once and for all.
发出信件之前,我设想着各种可能的消极回复,
或者我认为最后可能的是,没有回复。
我唯一没能预料到的,是我收到的这封,
表达忏悔的信,来自Tom,满是毫无防备的悔恨。
事实上,他同样,也一直被“囚禁”于沉默之中。
这成了我们之间随后一段长达8年时间通信的起点,上帝知道,这并不容易,但我们一直是坦诚的。
我卸下了我本不应承担的重负,
他,同样的,由衷地承认他的所作所为。
我们的书面交流成了一个平台,去剖析那个晚上对我们的影响,
这些交流有时令人感到极度痛苦,有时却也带来超越语言的治愈。
但对我而言,一切并未终结。
也许,是因为电子邮件的形式并不够私人化,
也许,是因为躲藏在地球另一边的电脑屏幕前,勇敢变得容易一些。
但我们开始了一个对话,我认为有必要由此来探索所有的可能性。
所以,在通信8年之后,距离那个可怕的夜晚接近16年之后,
我鼓起勇气提出了一个大胆的想法:我们应该见面,面对我们的过去,一次性解决。
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